Some People Have Expiration Dates....

Dear Mr. Expiration Date,

I always knew you’d be gone someday. I knew every time you said, “I’ll always be your friend” that it was a lie. And yet, I was the best friend a human could be to you.

I stood by you while you pushed others away and while others bailed voluntarily while you were drowning.  I was there with you when the darkness came and stayed covering you like wet blanket.  I came to you when the words you spoke drove stakes through my heart because I heard the whisper of your heart saying, “Please don’t leave me too.”  I watched as you tried to numb the pain pill after pill after pill because I wasn’t going to let you suffer alone… I questioned the road you were on, asked you to please slow down, begged you to find another path…. Waited for the time you went too far.

                And then that night, I stared into your empty eyes that looked right through me and asked you “Please don’t treat me this way… Don’t take our friendship for granted. Haven’t I earned at least a little bit of respect after everything this year has brought?” And you – You crossed your arms and said Nothing.  Again, I asked, “Has nothing I have done counted for anything? Why can’t you treat me the way I treat you?” Nothing…. And as the rain fell, soaking me to the bone I felt my heart sink. I looked in your eyes for some sign… a glimmer even, of the man you used to be and saw… Nothing.     I realize now, I was mistaken all along.  You are an imposter, a poser.  In truth, you are a broken lost little boy with a serious addiction. You, cannot value anything that doesn’t get you high. You cannot be who you were any longer and any attempt would simply be charade.
                And as I watched you drive away that night, I did not know that it was “goodbye forever.”  I didn’t know that you would be such a coward and not even tell me the truth.  And for a while, I just waited, I let the darkness come, I let the sadness fill me and then it truly set in… You bailed… completely! On me - our friendship… You threw me away like garbage.  And that’s when I BROKE. Just for a little while though and for that I am both grateful and proud of myself. You see, I am better off not being your sounding board, your nurse maid, your dinner service, your lover, your night watchman because none of this brought anything to my life the cost was too high.

                So, with a grieved heart, I thank you for walking away without as much as a goodbye. I thank you for showing me what it’s like to be a friend to someone who cannot see past themselves. Thank you for reminding me that without suffering there can be no compassion. Thank you for never really being my friend it made it easier to let you go… to let the pain go.

With All My Heart… Goodbye,

~K